After two days of dodging drunks, drug addicts and street harassment, I’m ready to get the fuck out of Atlantic City. (New photo series coming soon)
Making dinner for Dean. All of south Brooklyn should be on red alert for fire and explosions. If you see something, say something!
Musee Magazine did a little piece on the show I’m in, check it out!
Be sure to swing by J. Cacciola Gallery to see the show before it closes on Aug 30th.
I knew the wedding industry was a fucked up industry. But the last few days have really brought that into sharp relief.
I am not a traditional person, and I don’t want a traditional wedding, or gown, or band. But I do agree that a wedding day is a day where another human has selected you as someone they think they could spend the rest of their life with. Out of the thousands of people they’ve met, that person thinks they have the best shot with you. Which makes you a unique person to them. It is a day that heightens your feeling of specialness and magic existing in the world, and rom-com “I can’t believe this is really happening to me” feelings, etc.
What could be less special or less unique than a diamond ring and a white dress? That might be offensive to anyone who has wanted those things (or gotten them already) and I want to be clear I’m not making a judgment, it just seems a bit ironic to me. (A lot of that want is built up in the gender roles and virginal disney princess bullshit we are all raised to be a part of, but that’s a whole other blog post). Anyway - for a very long time, I have not wanted those things. I wanted my wedding day to be reflective of myself and who I was marring, I think diamonds are boring and I don’t look good in white so aspiring to those things on my wedding day doesn’t make sense for me.
The response that I have been getting from people that work in this industry has been somewhat offensive so far. Some people have been open and helpful, but I would say a surprising 60% have been so offended that what we want doesn’t fit into their pretty wedding box to the point that they are unwilling to even sell me the thing I have come to buy!
And what we want isn’t even that crazy! A gold or grey dress instead of white, food trucks instead of sit down catering? We’re certainly not the first - I’ve seen the pinterest boards!
Today I went to see some dresses by the lovely Catherine Deane which are sold at Bergdorf Goodman and a little shop in Sheepshead’s Bay called Jimmy’s. Bergdorf’s had 2 neither of which were in my size, so today I went on an adventure to Ave U in Brooklyn to see what they had at Jimmy’s.
First of all, they had moved most of their merchandise to their Hampton’s location for the summer including the Catherine Deane dresses. I told her I would be happy to come back in the fall when the merchandise returned. She started chatting with me about what I was looking for and I told her I was looking for a wedding gown. She told me they didn’t carry bridal gowns and i said I was looking for an evening gown to wear as a bridal gown. She then jumped to the conclusion that I was a guest at a wedding. “No, I’m the bride, and I’ll be wearing something other than white.” Her response? ”Um…ok? *huff* well, what color then?” Maybe gold, or grey or green. Annoyed she points out a gold dress, then a blue one (“It’s Marchesa. Have you heard of Marchesa? It’s very expensive.”) I grab one to try on since we’ve come all this way. She’s chatting with me while I’m in the dressing room,
"How will people know you’re the bride if you’re not wearing white?"
"Well, as it’s my wedding, hopefully people will recognize my face."
"What about his side of the family?"
"I’ve met all of them."
"Well, how will your guests know what to wear?"
"They can wear what they’ve worn to any other wedding."
There were several other questions that the rage has blocked out. I’m having a hard time remembering when I’ve been so offended by a stranger. What I want for my wedding day and what I was willing to pay her money to make happen (if she’d had the dress I wanted to try on) was so offensive to her ideas of marriage she couldn’t stop herself from being a total bitch.
And I don’t care that she didn’t approve, I just want buying the most expensive dress I’ve ever bought to be fun. And this followed a day of jewelers that were offended my engagement ring wasn’t a diamond and even more so when I told them that I didn’t want one. (And then flat out refused to be helpful in regards to a wedding band.) And a woman a different store that I heard tell my mom, “Don’t worry there’s still time for her to change her mind and be a traditional bride.” Dean suggested I stop telling people that its for our wedding. But I shouldn’t be ashamed to want something different. I’m still excited and it’s still a big deal to me. I mean this is New York City - this is fucked up.
This is the part that should be fun, and it’s turning out to be a bit of a bummer. I don’t want to buy everything for our wedding online because I’m tired of being judged by bitchy sales people. I knew some people might think what we want would be strange but the open hostility has been surprising.
- Me: I bet you fell over the best.
- Dean: Why would I have fallen over?
- Me: Because you played Fall Back
- Dean: Full Back
- Me: Whats a Full Back?
- Dean: it's like a Running Back.
- Me: What's a Running Back?